He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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