We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
