why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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