we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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