I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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