wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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