will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
