I met the friendliest cop last night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
