My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
