I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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