he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
