i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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