if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize