R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
