literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i would one night stand the shit outta him
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
