Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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