In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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