i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
