I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
