i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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