I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
