I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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