dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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