dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
