i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
