I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
