One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
