You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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