he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
