Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
