I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
