I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
