I'm going to jail i love you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
