told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
