If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I want a musical about memes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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