White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
