So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
