He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
