hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
