Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
