I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
