so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
