I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
