i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
