Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
