I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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