Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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