Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
