Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
