I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
