Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
