It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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