so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
