Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Who died my cat blue again?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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