I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
