I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We need to get me chipped asap
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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