Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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