I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
