I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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