Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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