So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
