I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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