She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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