yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
40s are totally the cure
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
