i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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