Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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