Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He better not be in your backpack
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
