Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
