please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize