am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
