This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize