i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
