My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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