Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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