mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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