so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
