I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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