So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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